Trip to Kanchanaburi, Thailand

After a disastrous trip to Cherating in September this year, we decided to take one last holiday before we return to Bangalore for good. I was browsing holiday packages on a website suggested by a close friend when I chanced upon a picture of the Tiger Temple. It took me less than five seconds to decide the destination – Kanchanaburi, Thailand.

We flew from and into the budget terminal at Changi, our first experience with this part of Changi. After tasting the yucky food at the Han’s outlet, walking a mile after getting off the plane and spending close to half an hour at immigration, I decided that they were just being sarcastic with their loud banners asking you to “Enjoy the difference”.

Tiger Airways was the chosen carrier. The experience was pleasant for the most part except for a couple of occasions. For example, it’s not funny when your captain forgets the destination! As soon as we settle in, he goes “Welcome aboard Tiger Airways flight XX XXX to …..(Long pause)… Bangkok”. Then there was this occasion where the pilot was in a hurry to bring the plane down on our way back to make up for some lost time. It felt like I was in an elevator coming down from 35,000 feet, and I am sure that it holds a record for the only vertical landing accomplished by a commercial jet! Entertainment was no problem. There was this group of drunks holding a conference near the tail end. They had to pass comments at every object that passed by – men, women and even a friggin food trolley!

We spent the first two days on a raft cabin on the river Kwai. It was good, with a scenic view and all, but the waves from each passing boat would make the whole place wobble. It reminded me of the earthquakes in Tokyo. The people were friendly, food was excellent and it was quite affordable.



Our first visit was to an elephant camp. We were supposed to bathe, feed and ride elephants here. I was okay with the feeding and riding, but the bathing part set off an alarm in my head. If bathing my dog, which is one-tenth my size, is such a struggle, bathing an elephant definitely wont be a walk in the park. Sowmya however, was keen on taking the opportunity. She started the ritual by scrubbing the elephant’s head and he responded by putting her through the regular wash cycle – soak, wash and rinse, stopping just short of hanging her up to dry. Sowmya still thinks that it was she who gave the elephant a bath, I beg to differ!

Later on in the day, we visited the famous Tiger Temple. Human ignorance and insensitivity were on display here in full force. It’s a Buddhist monastery in the first place and secondly, you have to walk among wild animals. Common sense tells me that wild animals are put off by strong scents and I definitely wouldn’t risk wearing strong after-shaves and perfumes thereby pissing off not one but nine tigers! But people being people, I could see the wrong kind of dresses and smell perfumes everywhere. I don't know if they wanted to ask the tigers out on a romantic date. I had very high expectations from this place and it was kind of a let down mostly because of the number of people there. I still suggest this place to any animal lover, especially a tiger lover. This is the only place in this whole wide world where you can see, touch and walk amidst the most magnificent animals on Earth.

On the second day, we visited parts of the ‘Death Railway’ – Hell Fire Pass, The Bridge on the river Kwai, Krasae caves and even rode the death train. It looked dead enough for me! It was literally falling apart. Two ladies from my group got on my nerve by asking the guide as to how many people died at every single place we visited. We are talking of the Second World War lady! Hundreds of thousands died, who keeps count? Remembering the dead is a good thing, but obsessing about them?

The best part of the day had to be Erawan Waterfall. It is a seven step waterfall with each level 100 – 500 meters above the previous and you have to trek through the jungle to access these levels. It gets increasingly tough with every level and the last level is an insane obstacle course. But the sight at the top makes up for the exhaustion. I thought I will pass out due to dehydration, I even got bonked on the head by a low branch, but we survived!

We wanted to spend the last day looking at places in Bangkok and we promptly took a ‘first class’ bus from Kanchanaburi. Again, they must have coined that name as a joke because the bus did not look or feel anything like the ‘first class’ we generally talk of. It took 3.5 hours to reach Bangkok instead of the declared 2 hours. It stopped every 100 meters and in places, looked like our Mumbai locals during peak hour. Things steadily went downhill from there. We arrived in Bangkok a little after noon - hungry, tired and angry. We couldn’t get the cabbie to take us to a veggie restaurant so we asked him to take us to the grand palace instead.

The temple of the Emerald Buddha and the Grand Palace are beautiful, you can spend hours looking at the place on a regular day, but not when you are about to faint from hunger! We saw the whole place in about an hour. I was wondering how all the gold, jade and glass would taste! At one point in time, I even hallucinated. Believing the whole place to be one giant cake, I was about to sink my teeth into the nearest pillar when better sense prevailed. We rushed out and met an enterprising woman who wanted to sell us some artwork. She said India was friendly towards Thailand and she would therefore give us a good discount! I didn’t know diplomacy goes down to such grass root levels! I was tempted to ask her who the enemies were, but I let it pass.

A tasty Japanese lunch followed at MBK mall after which it was time to leave. We got into a cab and we got a taste of Bangkok traffic and an average cabby’s English skills. We asked him if we could buy a Thai flag as a souvenir and he replied “Wow, why you want to buy? There are so many accidents in Bangkok, so I never ride bike”. And you thought Singapore cabbies were funny! We just prayed that he understood ‘Suvarnabhoomi Airport’ which he luckily did. That was the end of a memorable and eventful holiday.

Frustration

Spend two hours writing a blog entry and editing it and when you are ready to post, you get a message that says "Firefox.exe has encountered an unexpected error and has to close". Those b**t**ds say they regret it. Meet me now you miserable low-lifes and I'll show what the meaning of regret is!

The credits are rolling.....

At 12 noon today, I handed in my Managerial Accounting paper (which looked nothing like an accounting paper by the way) and with that, officially completed my longest and costliest vacation ever. Yes, ladies and gentlmen, I am now a full fledged MBA (Master of Bugger All, as Prof. John Beck likes to call it).

Surprisingly, I dont feel anything different. No surge of emotions - didn't kiss the ground, didn't howl, didn't throw the bag, didn't sob, no choking, nope........ nothing! It's probably because the fact hasn't fully sunk in or because I still have one small, inconsequential presentation and stupid exam pending.

I will shortly be entering the same rat race that I chose to exit last year, with the hope that the things I have learned here will help me run faster or atleast sabotage the efforts of others! I would like to congratulate all my batchmates and myself on a job well done.

CHEERS! :)

One word review - DON'T!

An overwhelmed Shahrukh tries in vain to match the Big B and fails on both counts- Neither can he play the suave, sophisticated Don nor can he play the innocent rustic Vijay. The new Don wears his ties under his shirt!


A rather plump Kareena tries too hard to do a Helen. She ends up looking like a Mumbai dance bar girl and I really thank Don for getting rid of this eyesore right after one torturous number.

Poor Isha doesn't get to wear one decent fully stitched clothing all through the movie and lastly, the scriptwriter probably had one drink too many. Coz he brought in so many twists that the movie seemed to end rather abruptly. Not that anyone was complaining, we were just thankful that it ended! :)

Only saving grace - Priyanka Chopra as Roma who was probably the only character who came close to the original.

Capital Punishment

Patriot in me: He attacked the symbol of Indian democracy. He probably deserves it.

Rationalist in me: Forget his tag and beliefs. Let's not make it an emotional issue. He was responsible for a few deaths. He should be awarded the punishment that the Indian Penal Code prescribes for murder. Life Imprisonment/Death based on the motive, cruelty in action and the number of people killed.

Philosopher in me: A man who lives by the sword dies by the sword. He believed in violence and hence will meet a violent end.

Humanitarian in me: If we kill him, what's the difference between them and us?

Cynic in me: What do I care? Let the idiots argue till they drop with fatigue. Extremists will continue to kill and maim. Governments will continue to hunt them down. People will continue to argue. This doesn't change anything. Today is as shitty as yesterday and tomorrow will probably be shittier.

To me, the question is not whether he should hang or not. The bigger question is 'Who am I?'

Trip to Cherating, Malaysia

A much awaited vacation materialized last weekend. It was planned and organized by my better half who was all excited about the beaches and turtles of Cherating. On the other hand, I didn't expect much from this vacation. After all, we were travelling to a beach resort. I hate water and my wife can't swim. Practically, there wasn't much we could do.

Our trip started at 10.pm on 28th Sept from Lavender St. We got into the bus and our hopes of a peaceful night's journey were immediately shattered. We had a Singaporean family directly in front and I guess someone told them that there was a famine in Malaysia; they ate like there was no tomorrow. Then, there were people who felt the compulsive need to call up their folks on their mobile phones and give their location every ten minutes. The bus felt like a frickin mobile phone showroom with assorted ring tones going off every few minutes. The radio played loud Malay music all along the way. On hindsight, I gather that this might have been some sort of 'quick immersion' program to enable us to speak Malay the next morning, because at 4 am the next day, in a deserted bus station in Kuantan, we were desperately trying to find someone who understood English. We asked for the 'tourist information centre' and were directed to the toilet!

One of my friends who had been to Cherating earlier had given us a lot of information about the place. But he conveniently forgot to tell us that the bus reaches Kuantan at 4 am and most taxi drivers, who happen to be the only human beings around, do not speak English! Fortunately, we found one person who spoke English. We finally made it to our resort after an hour's drive on a deserted highway. I was half expecting our driver to pull up along the way and draw a knife.. fortunately for us, he turned out to be a good man. Shortly after we reached our room, both of us zonked out.

It was evening when we regained consciousness. After a quick breakfast/lunch, we set out to explore the beach in the resort's backyard. The beach was the only saving grace of this vacation. It was the most calm, silent sea that I have ever seen. The waves were so mild, it felt more like a large lake. No rocks, no boats and best of all, no stupid humans. Just blue water... my kind of place! I could spend my entire life on that beach.

On Saturday, we went on a river cruise. We were supposed to see wildlife on both sides of the river bank. "See deer, monkeys, snakes and otters" the brochure loudly proclaimed. After spending an hour on the small boat, moving at a snail's pace, straining to see any movement among the bushes on either side, things were getting a bit desperate. The guide was trying his best to divert the tourists' attention from the decaying smell of the black, stagnant river water by pointing out the smallest of animals. "Look, there goes a blue crab!" he shouted and the tourists let out a collective yawn. And then as if on cue, the animals made their appearances. First, we saw a small snake coiled up on a tree. He was a mangrove snake, a charming black fella with yellow stripes. Soon after, we saw a young monitor lizard soaking up a bit of the afternoon sun on a tree. Then, another snake who looked like a mobile zebra crossing. With that, our river cruise came to an end, not too exciting for me but fruitful nevertheless. I have found cobras in the most unlikely places in India- our car garage, wash basin, you name it; watching some small snake cross the river in front of me doesnt exactly get my adrenaline running.

After a mostly uneventful Sunday, we finally set out on our return journey. We learnt a lot of painful lessons that evening.

Lesson 1:- Never stand between a hungry man and his meal. Our friendly cabbie had been fasting the whole day and was due to break his fast at 7 pm. The hotel staff asked him to drop us off at Kuantan, almost 60 kms away at 5.30 pm. He was determined to do the 120 km return journey in 1.5 hours! Now we are talking of some adrenaline pumping action! Imagine bouncing around in the rear seat of a Proton car (which have very stiff suspensions, i must add) blazing away at 160 kmph on a single lane Malaysian highway. We remembered prayers that we had forgotten since primary school. We must have prayed to atleast half of the 300 million Hindu gods that evening.

Lesson 2: Always keep a calendar handy when you do reservations. My better half, in her enthusiasm, booked bus tickets for 30th Sept instead of 1st October. I was casually sipping on a mocha frappuccino at Starbucks, trying to while away some extra time when my wife took out the tickets in order to verify the departure time. I nearly choked on the coffee when she held out the tickets and I saw the date. We immediately rushed back to the bus stand and tried in vain to get two tickets for that night. We only managed to get tickets for the next morning.

We were cursing our luck at the hotel that night when I read a notice that was left on the table. The credit for cheering us up after the above mentioned fiasco must entirely be attributed to this piece of pink paper. I reproduce below the "exact" wording.
" Room Amenities
The following amenities are for your convenience. Should you require any of these items as souvenirs, please refer to the price list below and contact the reception.
Water Jug RM 180.00
Mug RM 10.00
Tray RM 30.00
TV RM1800.00
Telephone RM 240.00
Dustbin RM 30.00
Ashtray RM 20.00
Bath Towel RM 30.00
Bed Spread RM 500.00
Bed Sheet RM 100.00
Blanket RM 300.00
Pillow RM 60.00
Pillow Case RM 120.00"

I was trying to imagine the frustration levels that could have forced the manager to print this notice. Boy, they must have dealt with some serious criminals before. Stealing TV and phones? Jeez. I decided that the notice itself would make a nice souvenir! :)

Our return journey was exciting as well. We took the first row, right behind the driver. This was a serious mistake on two counts. First, our driver was probably a Malaysian Idol hopeful. He kept crooning all the way, as if the radio wasn't enough. Second, I thought Indians highways were crazy. Imagine the same roadsense at double the speed, that's a Malaysian highway for you. After three near misses and one near full blown fight, our bus finally made it to the border.
At the Customs, a fellow traveller got detained. From my expert knowledge of Malay, built up from three days of non stop FM radio, I gathered from the driver that the tourist tried to bring something in and it was the wrong size. I don't know if it was a cigarette pack or a knife or his pet dog! Who cares? After wasting an hour waiting for this guy to turn up, we finally decided to leave without him. Thankfully, we reached Singapore in one piece but on an empty stomach , because the driver, in his enthusiasm to rehearse for the next season of Malaysian idol, had forgotten to stop for lunch!!

The trip had a fitting finale when I accidentally deleted all the photographs after uploading it to my laptop. That, ladies and gentlemen, was what we experienced on our first vacation since March 2005!

What does Bangalore need?

An efficient traffic management system, a mass rapid transit system, feeder bus services, far fewer two wheelers and autorickshaws, pot-hole free roads and 24 hour power and water supply you say? Boy, are you wrong! Bangaloreans need more schools teaching Kannada, according to the government.

While you are stuck in a traffic jam for hours, you can practise your Kannada language skills by reading all the Kannada boards and hoardings and your kids can help you from the backseat! While you are being groomed into a true Kannadiga, the bureaucrats will take a quick foreign tour at the taxpayers' expense to 'study' the mass transit systems of various countries. How clever! Haven't these b**t**ds heard of the internet? Moreover, why go to Thailand when you have an efficient MRT system in New Delhi?

Fungal Infection

A couple of years ago, I suffered from an acute case of 'athlete's foot'. Fungal infections are not fatal, but they sure make you suicidal! You feel like killing yourself when you smell like a walking cadaver and when it itches in the wrong places at the wrong time. The itch, the burns, the smell (yuck!), I still vividly remember everything. It was one resilient fungus, just refused to die down in spite of the use of assorted topical medications. I had a couple of days of relief before the itch resurfaced with a venegeance!

Why speak of it now, you ask? Well, was reminded of it when I read this. The wily Arjun Singh takes centrestage again. Like a damned fungal infection he just refuses to wither away. He and his ilk are not fatal to our system in any way, Indian soceity has survived bigger problems. We will outlast this moron, but just like a case of athlete's foot, they cause severe embarassment and irritation.

People like Arjun Singh do not realise that they have gone past their 'best before' date. Protests and strikes are like topical medications, they will treat the symptoms but not help eliminate this fungus. We have to simultaneously strengthen the immunity of our social system by taking up a more proactive role. I have decided; I will never take the democratic process lightly in future. My vote will only go to a young, energetic and enthusiastic candidate, I have had it with politicians who are past their expiry dates.

Adrenaline Rush

Paragliding is a sport where people jump off tall cliffs with parachutes, a nice sport for adrenaline junkies. This man however, got more than he bargained for. Adds a whole new dimension to the phrase 'step on a minefield'. :)

We'll miss you Steve....

Stephen Robert Irwin, better known as 'The Crocodile Hunter' passed away yesterday at the age of 44, in a freak accident involving a stingray. Steve was filming this 'harmless' species in shallow water when he was stabbed in the heart by the bull ray's barb. It's ironic that a man who swam happily with the deadliest of creatures was killed by a docile creature.

It's not everyday that you see a real life 'Tarzan' who calls crocodiles and serpents 'gorgeous'! His aussie style and attitude are irreplaceable. Yesterday, we lost an ardent animal lover and a fantastic showman. Animal Planet will never be the same. We'll definitely miss you Steve! :(

Lagey Raho!

Hilarious! Total Paisa Vasool! Bole to ek dum jhakaas! That's Munnabhai-II for you. The reviews talked about Munnabhai & Bapu performing a 'past meets present' drama and I really didn't know what to expect. If nothing else was watchable, Vidya Balan would keep me occupied, so I decided to take the risk.

In the movie, Vidya Balan got pushed to the sidelines. This was a total Munnabhai (Sanju Baba), Circuit (Arshad Warsi) and Lucky Singh (Boman Irani) act! They stole the show with their hilarious antics and dialogues. An hour after the movie, I still can't stop laughing!

Munnabhai is fida over an RJ and he uses his usual trick to win a quiz and meet her. He convinces her that he is a professor and a fan of Bapu. When she calls him over to her place and deliver a lecture on Bapu, Munna tries to cram history at a library. This is when he has a chance meeting with Bapu himself. How this interaction changes Munnabhai and the life of all around him is what the movie is about. It touches social issues without being preachy or sentimental. I am sure even M.K. Gandhi would have loved this movie! :)

Arshad Warsi and Boman Irani are my new favourite comedians! Boy, they simply rock! Lagey Raho Munnabhai, Lagey Raho! :P

(Picture Courtesy: The Official Site)

So, what was the message again?

Prime Minister Dr.Manmohan Singh addresses the nation from the Red Fort. He 'tells' our dear neighbour to stop messing with our country. He warns that the terror camps within our neighbour's territory should close down before peace can be given a chance. He goes on to say that our security forces will be modernized, intelligence agencies will go hi-tech (which incidentally means that our 'leaders' will get richer) so on and so forth.

What happens at the border? India and Pakistan exchange sweets! Sorry Dr.Singh, come again?

Such Joy

Our capital was declared a 'no-fly' zone. Trains arriving into the capital were asked to wait outside the city for five hours. Armed policemen and security personnel were deployed in unprecedented numbers all across the nation. People were checked even at shopping malls. The prime minister unfurled our national flag and addressed the nation standing behind a bullet-proof screen and a small army of commandos.

This is how you celebrate 'Independence Day' in this great country of mine! :) Do those fools even know the meaning of 'Independence'? Lord, do I love the irony!!

Service with a Smile

The "four million smiles" initiative flagged off recently is taking shape slowly. Cabbies are as irritating as ever, but they beam beautiful smiles and wish you as soon as you get into the cab and also at every available opportunity. They really take their manners seriously. Given below is a hypothetical 'before-after' style comparison of service:-

BEFORE:

Me (getting into cab): Hi, can you take me to BuonaVista please?

Cabbie: OK. which way you wanna go ah? PIE ah? AYE ah?

Me: Any route is fine. Just take me there. Thanks.

Cabbie: AYE shorter ah... Take the exit to North Buona Vista Road, can ah?

Me: OK OK Can Can.

Cabbie (Verifies the route on his map, honks at the car in front of him, changes lanes rapidly): You from India? You work here ah? How much they pay you? (Then goes on to tell me how much he makes per day, explains the entire value chain of the public transport industry also giving me strategies to save a few cents on every trip by choosing the cab companies smartly).

Me: Yeah, you can stop here. Thanks.

Cabbie: 9.50 ah.

I pay 9.50 and get out.


AFTER:

Me (getting into cab): Hi, can you take me to BuonaVista please?

Cabbie: (before I can sit down and finish my sentence) Good Morning, how are you? Where can I take you? Thank you, welcome. (SMILE) OK. which way you wanna go ah? PIE ah? AYE ah?

Me: Any route is fine. Just take me there. Thanks.

Cabbie: (BIGGER SMILE) AYE shorter ah... Take the exit to North Buona Vista Road, can ah? You save 20 cents (and then goes on to explain how it can be invested at 10% p.a to leave a small fortune at the end of 30 years)

Me: OK OK Can Can.

After a while.....

Me: Yeah, you can stop here. Thanks.

Cabbie: (stops a mile ahead of my destination) $11.70 ah.

Me: (!@#$) Why did you come all the way? I asked you to stop a mile behind!!!

Cabbie: (BIIIIG SMILE) Go the extra mile for service lah! :)

I pay 11.70 and trudge back....

Back with a Bang!

I don't know if the world had generally become a better place or whether I had simply lost interest in the happenings around me, I had stopped blogging since end-June. Ladies and Gentlemen, The Cynic's back! With a BANG!

What prompted me to start blogging again? I read about this amazing creation of God who tried to dismantle a rocket propelled grenade with guess what? - a SLEDGEHAMMER! That's right. Read more about it here. I think this candidate fits the bill for top honors at this year's Darwin Awards!

Since I am at it, let me also guide you to another amazing video that I came across on Amit Verma's India Uncut.



We sure are monkeys, pretty messed up monkeys! I agree Amit, totally.

God Bless India

The Health Ministry has adopted an innovative approach to solve India's health problems. It's damn simple to follow -

First, deny all facts and figures presented by any respectable world body. How dare they show this great country in poor light? The health minister comprehensiely rejected the UN Report on AIDS victims in India recently. Facts and research be damned!

Second, look for soft targets - Bollywood makes for an excellent punching bag. The health ministry recently decided that Bollywood films were the root cause for all the health problems of this nation. So, they decided to put a complete ban on promoting smoking on screen and probably intend to ban endorsements of soft drinks by film stars.

This list can be easily extended - ban stunts in movies especially ones involving vehicles as they encourage people to drive recklessly, ban party scenes which involve alcohol and fattening food for obvious reasons and so on. I can already visualize members of the censor board signing up at the employment office! If this goes on, the only movies that will go past the health ministry are the ones like Gulshan Kumar's "Chaar Dhaam" and a couple of documentaries on Amarnath Yatra and Haj.

I feel that the Finance Ministry would do well with this approach. First, reject the UN standard for 'poverty'. I mean $1.00 a day is a lot of money in India, you know? Redefine poverty levels so that the percentage of people below the poverty line is around 10%. Then, ban all depictions of poverty in Bollywood movies. There should be no poor people in any movie. After all, people watch these movies outside India and form impressions.

There... India is well on its way to being a 'super power'.

Cruelty

towards animals is well known and we even have groups like SPCA and PETA to oppose cruelty. What about cruelty towards animal lovers? ;-)

Any takers for SPCAL (Soceity for Prevention of Cruelty towards Animal Lovers)?

India, Pak agree to end terrorism

No, today is June 1st, not April 1st. I know, that's what I thought when I saw this news item. It talks about some new found friendship and trust among the bitter enemies. Who are they trying to fool?

What should become of the poor politicians who depend on this animosity between the people to get elected to the parliaments and assemblies year after year irrespective of performance? What should Sunny 'Indian' Deol and Ajay Devgan do to cover up their hopeless acting skills if there is no Paki-bashing in movies anymore? What should those poor generals in their multi million dollar mansions on both sides of the border do? How will they get their million dollar kickbacks for purchasing low quality defence equipment?

Sheesh... we wont even get to see hi-fi operations like Operation Vijay, Operation Parakram, Operation some-damn-shakti. No more nuclear warfare? I thought that would be cool! Earth would be 20% lighter straight away!

India and Pak agree to end terrorism... ya right and I am the King if England!

Love is blind....

That's all one can say after reading this!

Whom would you support

if you saw the following reports on newspapers?

1. TOI says that a peaceful rally against the proposed reservation is planned today in Bangalore by the 'Youth for Equality' - a group of medicos, engineering students, IIT and IIM alumni with full support of the IT comunity working for the MNCs in Bangalore. The organisers have obtained prior permission from the police, they have garnered support by distributing pamphlets all over the city and sending SMS urging people to join them.

2. The Tribune reports of a pro-quota rally which turned violent in Patna yesterday. 35 people of which 20 were protesters were injured in the violence and police lathi charge that ensued. Now, they were medicos too... who came out to protest supposedly with hockey sticks in their hand. So much for peaceful intent!

Please bear in mind that I am not saying reservation is right or wrong. I am just pointing out two different demonstrations by two groups both made up of mostly medical students. Looking at the news items above. Who do you think deserves our support?

Around the world in 80 seconds...

1. Medicos spark off a nation wide protest against reservation policy in India.
2. BSE crashes by 800+ points, the largest fall in history.
3. Nepal Government moves to curb Royal power.
4. People demostrate in Turkey against the extremist killing of a moderate court judge.
5. Widespread demonstrations in Egypt in support of a few judges who are considered symbolic of Egypt's judicial independence and reform movement.


What do the above news stories have in common? To me, they represent signs of sanity in this insane world.

First we go to India. I am an avid follower of the reservation discussion - both pro and anti. And so far, I must say that the anti-reservation group seems to have come up with the most cogent, sensible arguments as far as I am concerned. The pro-reservation groups have turned me off with unimaginative slogans, emotional outbursts and some mundane nonsense. I am also pleased to see that this time around, the protests are practical and based on solid economic arguments. I see people debating instead of disrupting public life, setting themselves and probably others on fire to claim their 30 seconds of fame and generally acting crazy like they did during the previous protests under V.P Singh's rule. Well, there might have been a few small incidents of violence, but definitely not the kind witnessed last time.

And about the BSE, in one of my previous posts, I had questioned the reasons behind this historic rise of the Sensex as I was really worried that people might have taken this 'India Shining' bullshit seriously. The Sensex had a mighty fall, in fact the biggest in history which is reassuring to me. At least some people are in their right senses. And rediff in their original idiotic style reported it as if it was the end of the world. Well, if the market had its biggest ever rise, it will also have its biggest ever fall! Duh!!

In Nepal, after all the protests, street marches and stone pelting, sense seems to prevail. And I am glad that the people are seriously thinking of putting an end to a royal farce called 'King Gyanendra'. This guy is one 'royal' pain in the butt and he even comes with factory fitted 'sinister looks'. Everything about him including the way he came to power and tried to stay in power is creepy. The earlier they throw him in jail the better for their country.

A poor reformist judge was shot dead in a courthouse in Turkey when he pronounced a 'strict ban on head scarves'. It's heartening to know that people have come out on to the streets in support of his reformist view and against the dark forces of religious extremism.

In Egypt, a few judges were arrested after the poor guys spoke up against official corruption during elections making them symbols of Egypt's judical independence and reform movement. They were sentenced to five years in jail in a political-legal drama which was widely seen as an act of political vendetta. People are vehemently protesting this farce.

As I read all these news articles, my faith in human intelligence is being very slowly restored.

Something I have to do

before I die... Fly the Mig-25! I can almost visualize myself piercing the stratosphere like a bullet, or in my case, a canon-ball! He he.

My Transition.....

from a normal 'human' to a Dilbert style 'manager' is complete. I was stunned by my own thinking the other day in my Corporate Strategy class. We were discussing corporate governance and ethics and we looked at Vioxx, the failed drug from Merck.

Most of us know that Pharma is a peculiar industry. The big players spend so much on R&D (Pfizer alone spent close to $7 billion last year) that they only make money on a few drugs called 'blockbusters'. These are drugs that do more than a billion dollars of sales a year and are heavily patent protected. Pharma companies would like to have atleast half a dozen blockbusters at any given time. The moment the patent expires on these drugs, the generic drug makers take over and the profits of the big players plummet.

Merck (one of the giants) was in serious trouble. A lot of patents were about to expire and Merck had no good 'blockbuster' in the pipeline. The only drug with the potential to be a blockbuster was Vioxx - a prescription pain killer used specially to treat arthritis. It was under advanced user trials and Merck got it approved by the FDA. There are indications that Merck knew that 0.74% of the population undergoing trials showed adverse effects to Vioxx. And there were enough indications that Vioxx could cause cardio problems in people. But Merck decided to release it and market it effectively.

Tens of thousands of people died or suffered permanent damage in the U.S and Europe due to cardiac arrests and stroke caused by Vioxx. There was a huge uproar and finally Merck decided to withdraw the drug and compensate the victims (compensation runs into billions of dollars). The question was - 'Was Merck right in releasing the drug in spite of knowing that less than one percent of the control group suffered from adverse effects?'

I started thinking... "Okay, less than one percent of the control group showed adverse effects. The possible gain is $2.5 billion in first year sales. Merck does not have another alternative to Vioxx, thats the only blockbuster it have. Does Merck have a choice? Keep aside some amount for possible compensation, go ahead and release the drug". Ater a moment, I looked at my own decision with disbelief. The 'less than one percent' amounted to tens of thousands of dead people. And for their families, no amount of money would 'compensate' the loss.

Statistics can be helpful, but is not an end in itself. I learnt that it is also necessary to look at actual numbers and interpret these numbers in order to make a financially and morally sound decision. This lesson will stay with me all my life.

(Disclaimer: This posting is not about Merck and its management decisions. The case has been condensed, some details might have been left out.)

The Games People Play...

Read a news report on The Independent . I was wondering if any thought was spared at all to those numerous families that will continue to be separated by a man-made boundary, to those young kids who will never find the love of one parent just because a few megalomaniacs calling themselves 'leaders' supported a narrow minded political view with a statistical game.

The votes in favour of this move were 6:5. ONE goddamned vote decided the fate of so many families. Like I always say... I cant help but laugh at the ridiculousness of man's thinking. We have this whole planet and all its beauty to cherish, but NO, we want to segregate ourselves into nations and stop people from moving around. And then we want to divide ourselves into states and provinces and fight some more. And if that is not enough we want to group ourselves into religions, sects and what not and fight even more.

Mission Impossible III

If you are really desperate for some mind numbing violence, blinding colors and deafening noise and you are not the kind of person who's bothered with some finer points like storyline, logic and other such things, you should definitely watch MI-III. This movie is purely 'of the stuntmen, by the stuntmen and for the stuntmen' material.


It tries really hard to position itself in the 'Bond' category (Bond fans, dont kill me!) but it just looks like a cheap rip-off. I mean, this movie gives you fast cars, exotic locales, beautiful ladies, unbelievable fight sequences and a cocky hero to boot, but still Ethan Hunt doesn't even come close to the smashing 007. Mr. Bond is in a different league altogether.

Just a few things that kept me wondering throughout the movie:

1. Why send a half naked lady to Vatican just to blow up a nice Lamborghini?

2. If the villain really wanted to kill the agents, why didn't he just shoot them? Why go to the elaborate trouble of shooting a "delayed charge into the skull through the nasal cavity"? And that too a charge that takes five minutes to explode after being activated? And a charge that can be de-activated by passing a heavy electric current through the person's body? I know hi-tech is stylish and all, but this is plain ridiculous!

3. 'Rabbit's Foot' (though the movie never explains what this is) is probably a biological weapon with a label that says 'DANGER: BIO-HAZARD'. Isn't it surprising that this weapon in sealed in a glass case and kept in a glass and steel skyscraper in the heart of Shanghai? Well, since the Chinese didn't care for the safety of their citizens in the first place, we can probably excuse Ethan Hunt for dropping the glass case on a busy street. Come on!

4. It took Ethan Hunt under two hours to plan and execute the mission to get hold of the 'Rabbit's Foot'. Within 1.5 hours, the team had set up a machine that shoots baseballs on top of one skyscraper (why they needed the machine is still beyond me), they had also put up the necessary equipment to help Ethan jump from one skyscraper to another. Thats raising productivity levels to new heights!

5. Considering that Ethan took under 20 minutes to get into a 'high security' area and come out with a biological weapon, I was half expecting it to be gift wrapped!

6. Was the cameraman part of the 'Blair Witch Project'? I am still suffering from blur vision 12 hours after watching the movie, thanks to the rapid camera movements!

Marriages are made in heaven.....

or so the saying goes. I wonder what this man has to say!

That's Customer Delight!

A brothel in Berlin has started a special service for virgins and first timers by providing them with specialist prostitutes who are sensitive to the needs of this special class of customers. Prostitution is supposedly legal in Germany and they charge €60 for half an hour.

Apparently 'The 40 yr old Virgin' wasn't considered funny in Germany. Now we know why... the customers of this brothel are not necessarily young men but often 40 years or older, according to the owner of the brothel. Is it any wonder then that Germany has a dying population! ;-)

Click here for original story. With this story, the rating for my blog has been changed from PG to R21. :)

Re-serve, my foot!

Rediff carries a small post today which shows activists 'All India Reservatio Forum for OBC and SC/ST' staging a dharna in 'Nai Dilli' as a response to the recent demonstrations against the proposed reservation. Their slogan was 'Reservation = Re-serve the nation'. I rest my case....


These dodos can't even be creative with their slogan, can you imagine what they will do to our IITs and IIMs? Can you imagine such people as the CEO's of our MNCs? Even under the current merit based system, there is so much politics & filth in private organizations. Just imagine what a reservation will do.

Now don't get me wrong. I am not against those poor tribals or the genuinely backward who are struggling to get even basic education, forget IIM. I am against those people who own multi-storeyed houses in cities, who move around in big cars and then claim their right to freebies quoting that they are 'backward'. And I am dead against those crooks who take the genuinely backward masses for a ride to garner votes. I earnestly believe that both kinds of people are a burden to our soceity.

If the so called leaders are earnest in their effort, they should first conduct a public study on how reservation has helped the backward classes and at what cost. Dont tell me that there is no soceital cost involved in employing and promoting a less-deserving person over a meritorious candidate. I am sure people can accept a nominal cost if the exercise is indeed fruitful.

Instead of wasting my tax money on worthless nincompoops, I suggest that the government come up with a creative plan:-
1. First, make schooling compulsory - not 4 or 5 years - the entire 14-16 years. If you want to spend any money, do it here. Establish more schools, hire more teachers (and for god's sake pay them!) and distribute scholarships (few) and loans (freely available - but should be diligently collected later. Better get some banks involved instead of a corrupt government body).
2. Provide optional vocationary training in high school. Let people choose their own skills instead of forcing everyone to study boring topics like Indian Freedom Movement, Five Year Plans and their objectives - who cares? Whats the use of studying how 'bravely' our ancestors fought against the so called tyranny of the British (as far as I know, they were more benevolent than our own governments) if I cant get a job?

These two steps will go a long way in creating a responsible, employable talent pool which will work towards a more productive and affluent India.

3. Encourage small scale 'specialist' industries. Not that bloody 'khadi gramodyog ' and 'agarbathi' kind of nonsense. If China can make electronics a cottage industry, why are we still rolling beedis?
4. Banish the trade unions and the CPI (he he just kidding! they are necessary to bring a balance in soceity and sometimes for the sheer entertainment they provide!)
5. Eliminate the complexities involved in setting up a business. (It takes an average of 85 days to set up a company in India!)

The above steps will ensure employment to the trained manpower that comes out of educational institutes and they will have more productive work to do than writing those stupid slogans and demonstrating for a cause they dont understand!

A Chance Meeting with the Fuhrer himself

As I Googled for some details on Pramod Mahajan, I found a link to a blog by someone who calls himself 'Hitler's Soul'. Below the title was his description, the words 'IIM Calcutta'. And I thought "Aha! an IIM wallah! Let's see what he's got to say about life" and I started reading. I liked his sense of humor, no doubt. But more than his hyper-imaginative, comic depiction of his own life, I liked the way he laughed at himself and I liked his down-to-earth nature.

We get bombarded with so many images by the media about these 'young achievers' that we hurriedly form an impression of a brainy, nerdy, ambitious person the moment we hear 'IIM' associated with these guys. Well, my image of an IIM grad was already changing thanks to our dear professors Das and Vish. This blog has really cast the new image of a 'fun loving, easy going IIM wallah' in concrete.

Hitler's Soul ( I wonder why he calls himself that) jots down interesting happenings with a comic touch - good timepass on a lazy afternoon! You can find a link to his blog under the 'Links' section.

A Sense of Deja Vu

The year was 2000. I was in my final semester of Engineering and I was closely following the Indian economy in general and one industry in particular - IT of course! To drill down further, I was looking at one company with utmost interest. Infosys was my dream, I wanted to be an 'Infoscion' from the very day I heard about the company and its charismatic leader.


Infosys was growing 100% every quarter and so was almost every other Indian IT major. Ah, those were the golden days of IT. Everyone was bullish about India and especially the IT sector. Everything was hunky dory. I was lucky enough to squeeze into Infosys in October 2000. And then in a flash, it was all over.

First, the dot-com bubble burst and NASDAQ crashed in 2000. The Bombay sensex fell from its heady 5300 levels to the 3500 levels. Then came the death blow in 2001. The twin towers came crashing down and so did the world economy. IT in India, which was majorly driven by US demand took a huge hit. The Sensex was probably doing 2500 levels by late 2001. What a fall it was!

Small time players shut shop and laid off people. Bigger companies stopped recruiting. They couldn't lay off people coz it would hurt their image. With their solid cash base, I guess they could maintain an employee base of close to 10,000 over a short term. I languished on 'bench' for ten months before I got into a live project. I still remember my 'bench' days with pain - the frustration, the hopelessness.

Fast forward to 2006. As my MBA program enters its last phase, I observe the Indian economy in general and one industry in particular. The Indian economy seems to be on a roll, growing at 7% every year. The stock markets are at historic high levels with the BSE Sensex at 12,000 odd. IT companies are upbeat and I see an article on rediff that says techies are having a ball in India. Every Indian IT major needs 25,000 people per year. Salaries have gone up 14% on average. Everything seems hunky dory again, and that is what worries me! :(



Is India such a good bet - Even when the morons in power think reservation in private sector is a good idea? Aren't wage hikes eating into India's competitive advantage - 'low cost talent'? Does anyone really believe that those astronomical real estate prices in Indian cities are justified, given the dismal state of infrastructure? When I look at all this, I cant help but look back at 2000 and ask myself "How long will this last?"

A selfish human that I am, I ask myself "Will this dream run hold until I complete my MBA? Can I get lucky once again and manage to sqeeze in just before the gates close? And how many months will I languish on bench this time around? Or is it too optimistic on my behalf to hope for bench time? With 60,000 people on their rolls, can the companies afford not to lay off people this time around, image or no image?" Only time will tell. Call me pessimistic, but I dont feel too comfortable with this dizzy growth.

(Picture Courtesy: Yahoo!News and Analisi Tecnica Online)

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men...

Apple decided to move onto Intel Chips last year. Intel was supposedly in talks with Apple since 2003 to push for this deal and was happy to see an Apple Computer with 'Intel Inside' launched in Jan 2006. Sales have been pretty good and Apple shipped more Intel based machines than its own PowerPC based macs this year. This was touted as a great move by the folks at Apple, Intel and pundits alike. For Apple, it was a show of its superiority over MicroSoft now that both OS worked on the same platform. Intel was happy that it could overcome the 'final frontier' of sorts.


But no one accounted for the number of attacks on the new Mac OS. I read today that the security threat for Mac OS (especialy on Intel) is growing by the day. Mac suddenly seems to have lost its aura of technical superiority. This news report should have brought the smile back on the faces of the folks at Redmond. Another legend falls by the wayside.....

WWE says Hi to 'The Great Khali'

The year was 1998 and I was in my second year of Engineering. I was seriously into pumping iron like most of my classmates and it was then that I heard of a legend. There was a bodyduilding show in Bangalore and most of my friends at the gym wanted to go and check out the star - Dalip Singh from Punjab. Unfortunately, I couldn't make it to the show.

The guys who actually met this man were full of awe and respect for him (would you dare disrespect him?). They told me that they hadn't seen a person like him before. They talked about a man who was 7'2", weighed a 175 kilos and drank milk in litres. They said he was just playing with the barbells that others couldn't even budge.

Eight years rolled by and I had forgotten this man when he comes back with a bang! This time, the location is the U.S and he beat the hell out of Undertaker in his debut match! Dalip Singh has entered the arena of WWE in style. He is changing the American perception of 'mild', 'soft spoken' Indians. Ladies and Gentlemen - I present The Great Khali a.k.a Dalip Singh. His is a typical rags-to-riches story. From a road side daily wage worker to a policeman to a professional wrestler, Dalip Singh has come a log way. A lot of people have already told his story online, so I wont waste anymore online space. It's enough to say that you can search for 'Dalip Singh' on Wikipedia. :)

(Picture Courtesy: www.desktoparena.com)

He's put on 20 kilos (of muscle) in the last 8 years. He looks great and is all set to make his career in professional wrestling. He's also acted in a recent movie 'The Longest Yard' with Adam Sandler. I wish him all the best. I just feel sad about the Police Department's loss. India really needs policemen like him! :-P

Bangalore will now have a metro rail

Ya, right! As I read about the 'Bangalore Metro Rail' for the nth time, I wonder as to who they are trying to fool? And then it strikes me. The six million official residents (the actual number is probably double that figure) who live in that gas chamber in the hope of seeing their 'beloved garden city' emerge from its ashes like the mythical phoenix - what can you call them but fools?

A city thats registering 500-600 vehicles a day, has 100,000 auto rickshaws and has a million poison-spewing two wheelers, the highest for any city in the world; needs something more than a dozen flyovers and a total of 32 kms of glamorous metro rail. You can't apply a couple of band-aids on a tumor and expect it to miraculously heal! There are some hard decisions to be taken. And I am afraid Bangalore is not China or Singapore where tough rules can be implemented.


Looking at the confused political leadership, the insane population explosion and the miserable excuse that goes by the name 'infrastructure', one can only depend on Adam Smith's invisible hand for help. Market forces alone can bring some sanity into a Bangalorean's life. Some people think that Bangalore will continue to grow at this pace leading to even more infrastructural problems. A few think that Bangalore will just crumble and collapse completely one day. I would say neither of them seem probable.

As the city's infrastructure gives way slowly - first the roads, then water and sewerage, then power - it will lead to a slow and steady outflow of businesses, people and capital. I think Bangalore has pretty much gone beyond saturation at this point and the only way from here is downhill. The big companies stopped expansion in Bangalore and chose to set up offices in other parts of the country. New businesses are unwilling to set up shop in Bangalore owing to the ridiculous wages and real estate prices. As they set up offices elsewhere, people start following them as well.

The people migration will have different stages - I guess all the people who cannot adjust to the new image of this city have left already. This includes all the 'pensioners' and old world Bangaloreans who loved their gardens, morning walks and their 'idli-vada' and hot filter coffee at a local cafe. The second wave includes people who have the option of settling outside. That will be the first stage.

The second stage will consist of all those opportunistic freaks who came to Bangalore solely for education and employment. They start finding good jobs elsewhere and hence waste no time in bidding good bye to this city. As the so called 'IT and ITES folks' start moving out, the real estate prices come crashing down, huge apartments and houses no longer get built at this rate. Migrant labourers, artisans and craftsmen no longer find Bangalore attractive. The only people left in Bangalore will be those businesses who have already invested too much (Public Sector Companies, Infosys, Wipro and so on) and the people who dont actually have a choice but to stay.

Slowly, the city will come down to an equilibrium state from its current hyperactive state. But will this equilibrium state be the same old 'Namma BengaLuru?(our Bangalore)'. NEVER! It will just be a little less messy than today I guess, but never the same old clean, pleasant Bangalore.

As the city transforms, the 'leaders' will still be fighting for their chairs, mobs and gangs will still disrupt public life and believe me, Bangalore Metro will still be on paper! ;-) And the voters will continue to get fooled.

Folks, the Garden City is dead! The earlier we realize this fact and move on, the better for us.
Long live The Garbage City!

(Photo Courtesy: www.hindu.com and www.siliconverse.com )

Humor

There has been a lot of talk about humor lately. The Grad Hall Gang has been pretty vocal regarding their feelings towards 'Abrasive Humor'. Especially our Singing Sardar, who in his typical R21 (rated 21) language, called for an all out war.

I said in my comment that poking fun at someone is like jogging on a minefield. If you are crazy enough to do that just for kicks, go ahead and do that. But be aware of the fact that the next step might be your last.

Are you wondering as to why I am repeating my words? Well someone has been acting a little 'funny' on my blog, posting comments in someone else's name. I have deleted those comments for now and I have also enabled comment moderation - something I hated to do.

I am no saint and have to admit that I make fun of people too, but I make sure that the limits are understood and stay well within my limits. I dont mind getting my fair share of jabs from family and friends too as long as they stay within permissible limits. But saying something and assigning it to another person is not the least bit funny. I have decided to let it pass just this once and whoever this person is, let me assure him/her that the next time this happens, I wont pouring out my woes online..... I will be too busy making this person's life miserable! I am not very good at forgiving mistakes.

It's Official!

Fifteen days, a dozen postings and 260 views later, its finally official! I am THE 'eternal cynic' in Singapore. Courtesy Google. The search 'Eternal Cynic + Singapore' showed my blog in the hot seat.



However, I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this. I had posted a critical write up a few days earlier just to take out my frustrations and I deleted the posting the same day to avoid any misunderstanding. The damned googlebots had to choose the exact day and time to take a snapshot of my blog and cache it for the whole world to see! :(

I have been spending the last 12-13 hours trying to contact Google and getting them to delete this cache! Now do you see why I am not exactly a fan of hi-tech? They have this uncanny knack of complicating things and you never can say whether its a good thing or a bad thing! :-P

The FairPrice Weekend Shopping Challenge

So you were thinking there is nothing to do on a boring Saturday or Sunday in Sunny Singapore. You made numerous trips to Orchard, tried every pub in Clarque Quay and Boat Quay. You even went to Chinese Garden. 'So how'?

Well, take a closer look. There is this exciting gameshow playing every weekend pretty close to home no matter where you stay in this frying pan of a city. The venue is called 'FairPrice' and the game is called 'The weekend grocery shopping challenge'. This is no laughing matter, its a serious game out there! Each man to himself....

Let me explain. It is sort of an obstacle course, it consists of physical and mental challenges. The first challenge is to overcome your morbid fear of maddening crowds. They are kind enough to give you sufficient practice on this front as you navigate from the entrance of JP to the basement.

The second challenge - 'Grab a basket'. You have to throw yourself into this throbbing, violent mass of fellow competitors and get hold of a basket. Dont think that physical strength gives you an advantage here. I was left standing without a basket (all 110 kilos of me) while petite grandmas made their way into the store! Agility counts! You dont have to lose heart if you were beaten in the first step like me. They let you go out to the cash counter and get a basket but you lose precious time as your competitors successfully forge ahead.

You quickly pick up a packet of apples and oranges (no, comparing them is not the next challenge) and move on to the dairy section. Here, you meet the 'confused dairy buyer twins'. They are brothers who are arguing over which brand of milk to buy. They alternatively pick up and replace cartons of milk, all the while arguing about their choices. They block everyone else from picking up milk. You can push them aside or choose to nimbly put your hands through any available gap (stop imagining things) and pick up your cartons. Each choice comes with its own consequences from being arrested for assault to being labelled a pervert. It's part of the game. Time to move on.

Next, you see that the weighing counter is empty, others are busy with various other stuff and you go on to pick up vegetables all the while smiling at your own intelligence and others' stupidity. You pick up your vegetables and head towards the counter when you see that the line has suddenly grown a mile long! Did you waste too much time in that section or was this a deliberate ploy to fool the first time player? We will never know. You waste some more time and trudge along with a significantly heavy basket. That was the first surprise challenge- 'The Weighing Counter Mirage'.

The next level - 'Screwed Up Category Management'. If you think navigating thru the numerous shelves at fairPrice is a tough task by itself, try doing it while tugging along a 50 Kilo shopping basket. Remember, you get shoved, kicked and trampled by fellow competitors at the same time. The competition is a mad house at this stage. It is a test of grit, determination and sheer tolerance.

You zig-zag your way thru those shelves picking up the last few items and you are finally ready for the last obstacle - 'the Cash Counter'. NO WAIT! You get hit by the second surprise challenge - 'The inconsiderate mobile phone user'. He springs up from nowhere, he has exactly two small packages and his son sitting in a large shopping cart and he blocks the most crucial transit point thus bringing competitor traffic to a halt. At this point, all you want to do is just pulverize him into atoms and forge ahead. But again - this action comes with a heavy penalty - life in prison and a life time ban from shopping at FairPrice! I agree, both options seem like a blessing at this point in time though.

You tactfully overcome the surprise challenge and finally come to 'the Cash Counter'. This is a mental challenge. The lady at the counter continuously talks to her colleague in Chinese and asks you sudden questions in English to which you must respond appropriately. It really tests your concentration after the harrowing obstacle race. If you respond wrongly or fail to respond altogether, there are penalties - You get billed wrongly!

You come out of this challenge, drained of all energy and patience when they tell you vaguely that the prize is a 30% lesser final bill. Well, 30% of my $30 bill - Thats a grand prize of $9.00! Well, if Ms.Singapore Universe gets $2,500 you surely didn't expect more than this, did you?

You walk out of Jurong Point in a daze and slowly trudge towards home. The sun sets and another weekend in Sunny Singapore draws to a close.

New Look and New Links

I received some constructive feedback from one of the avid readers about the general look and feel of this blog. I also received some alerts about the possible consequences of my 'critical' writing. Thanks to both of you. Feedback is crucial for the existence and sustenance of myself and my blog! :)

A few new links have been added to the blogs of my fellow Nanyang MBAs:

Me,Myself and I - A day by day account of the life of AruneGanesh Meenakshisundaram. Professors' pet, P&G's future leader and simply 'aNNa' to all of us.
Rating: PG (for mentions of marriage, alliances)

Of Human Bondage - get inititiated into Tauism, a new philosophy thats taking Singapore (at least NTU) by storm. Thoughts and abstractions straight from 'Tau' himself - Gaurav Sharma.
Rating: 13, but may require a great deal of emotional and spiritual maturity to make sense.


Singapore Musing - I dont know if he meant 'Musing' in English or 'Musing(sniffing, smelling)' in Kannada. Thats DVism for you. He is a busy man now - with his attention focused on his internship, his future wife and Infosys stock prices. He writes occasionally, but lets give this poor guy a slack! Ladies and Gentlemen - Sandeep Devapur Vasant - DV to all of us.
Rating: PG (for mentions of marriage, alliances)

Elegantly Wasted - This is one optimistic Sardar. He even wastes elegantly while we think we are just 'plain wasted' here in Sunny Singapore. This is the 'personal space' of Shamsher Singh Mann - Sheru to all of us. He wants his writing to 'bloom unnoticed'. So guys, please... no comments!
Rating: 21 (for explicit language)

* Singapore standards followed for ratings. Based on viewership numbers, authors might be asked to 'moderate' postings! ;)

Hi-Tech Frustrations

Though I am an engineer myself and a software engineer to boot, I was never a fan of IT and related technologies and I guess I never will be. It's unnecesarily complex and at times extremely frustrating. It took me a whole two months to finally gather enough patience to set up my wireless router. A few valuable hours were spent reading the useless manual and a lot more time was spent fiddling with the settings before I finally got the damned thing working.

Are you asking me why I am telling you this? Well, hi-tech frustrations and low tech Singaporeans makes for a funny combination. The image below is a case in point.

I always thought I had weird neighbours. This proves my assumption. The first one suffers from OCD. He doesn't want to broadcast his network name even though it's secured! The second one takes the cake. I dont know who he is swearing at. Was he cursing the damned router? Or did he want to say that to himself every single day? Or was it directed at unsuspecting neighbours like me?

This day gets interesting as it progresses...

Why are we so obsessed with recognition?

I collected the 2006 resume book from the career resource centre a couple of days ago. As I browsed through the profiles of my fellow Nanyang MBAs, I made an interesting observation.

Almost every profile (mostly Indian and Chinese) seemed to have a mention of some award or recognition. In the rare cases where there were no 'awards', they seemed to take great pride in the fact that they either grew the market share by X% or increased some process efficiency by Y% or helped save their company a couple of million dollars.

I saw ONE profile out of seventy one that mentioned some activity done out of passion. Though it was only for two months... Chris (from St.Gallen) taught street children and worked for Jan Vikas Soceity and Pavement Club in Mumbai. Way to go Chris... More than the fact that you worked for this organization, I admire the fact that you chose to mention this as your previous work experience on a resume book that could 'potentially' be read by numerous employers. Being the natural cynic that I am, I also wonder whether he had any ulterior motive in doing this, but at this point in time, I am ready to give him a clean chit :)

Looking at the resume book, I am confident that most of us will make good managers and land good jobs, but I wonder what kind of leaders we will make. How many of us will actually 'inspire' people? For I believe that to be the ultimate evaluation for a leader. Isn't it high time we took our eyes off those silly meaningless 'performance' awards and focused on some real 'personality' development?

I dont know about others, but I want to work towards being a 'true leader' and not an 'efficient manager'.

Levitation

I was awestruck when I saw David Blaine's show for the first time. I mean.. here was a guy who performed on the streets, right in front of you. No stage set up, no need for tonnes of hi-tech gadgets... it was MAGIC pure and simple.



I was especially impressed by his levitation tricks. I dont know what took me so long to do this, but today I decided to google on levitation techniqiues. And I found this among loads of other web pages hawking stuff. According to this web page, Blaine uses what is known as the Balducci Technique. There are a couple of others called King's Technique, Elevator Technique etc.

That really takes away the mystical aura surrounding David Blaine and brings him back to the ranks of mere mortals like ourselves. Magic or no magic, there is one thing I appreciate in this guy, he definitely has nerves of steel.

So guys, now that I know the secret, it wont be long before you hear someone say "Hey look, up in the sky.... it's a bird.. no it's a plane... no that's just AK". :)

Happy floating......

Inside Man

The plan was hatched at 6.30 pm yesterday after a looooong Strategy Implementation class. A few quick decisions were made and we finally headed towards Jurong Point. We gulped down a coupla pizzas and rushed straight to the movie.

Once inside, you first go thru the 'initiation ritual'. You got to survive the half hour of trailers and outrageous ads (from butter to bust enhancement) and still maintain your sanity. I was reminded of the cliched hindi movie dialogue "Main tumhe itna tadpaoonga... tum maut ki bheekh maangoge ( I'll torture you so much, you will beg for death)".


The movie started off with "Chayya Chayya" and DV continued from there and gave the background score for the first half with his snoring. How he could sleep through such a fast paced movie is still beyond me. But then, this is DV, he could sleep through an actual hostage situation!

The movie really stays one step ahead of your thinking. Finally, a different story... a breath of fresh air. What I liked most about the movie was the 'zara hat ke (somewhat different)' story line and execution. There was no 'star' as such. Everyone put in a good performance and the movie kept me guessing till the end.

I suggest that you go watch this movie if you haven't 'oredi'.

Say Hi to Mr.Capsicum

My wife and I had a debate yesterday regarding creativity. I basically implied that everyone could become rich and famous by doing whatever they do creatively and by being the best in their chosen field. She retorted that it was just my MBA hogwash and ther were a lot of tasks that couldn't involve creativity and she somehow wasn't convinced of my argument.

Today, she asked me to help her out in the kitchen by cutting vegetables. She handed me the vegetables, cutting board, knife and said "You can be as creative as you want!".

Within five minutes, Mr.Capsicum was born... with carrot pieces for eyes and a pea for his nose, with a trademark smirk on his face. My wife enthusiastically pitched in with corn for his teeth.

Thus, the first part of my argument was won... creativity can be infused into any activity and you will be sure to arouse other people's interest too. Now I just have to wait till my talent gets noticed and I get rich. Then I will prove the second part of my argument... WISH ME LUCK :P

PS: We regret to inform you of the sad demise of Mr.Capsicum barely minutes after his birth. We ate him for lunch!

That's uniquely Japanese....

Found this on google videos. Try it out, it works for me!

MBA, Stress and Obesity

My doctor friend once told me that I probably suffer from Stress Related Obesity. I dunno if its true or if there is anything called 'Stress Related Obesity', but it magically seems to explain my eating binges and rapid weight gain.

I went through an elaborate weight reduction program for six months before I landed in Singapore which successfully brought down my weight from a shocking 110 kilos to a not-so-shocking 94 kilos. I was able to decrease my weight further during my first four months here in Singapore. You can see me enjoying one of the night-outs with my batchmates in July 05.

And then, the rigours of the course and daily irritations associated with life in Singapore started taking a toll on my mind and body. The increased levels of stress probably caused an increase in appetite (thats the only cause I can attribute to the fact that I was gulping down copious amounts of hazardous waste that they sell in the food courts here). Overeating made me lazy and I started finding reasons to miss a workout. And six months later.... I was back to a 110 kilos, walking around like an elephant with piles! I feel sick when I look at myself in the mirror. You can see me getting bored at one of the 'night-outs' in Feb 06. Nothing interests me anymore.

Its high time I got a grip over my life!!

Job Hunt in Singapore...

I read an article on rediff today which mentioned that an ISB graduate was offered a $233,000 package. At the same moment I received yet another job notification from our Career Resource Centre. This was for the post of a 'Management Consultant'. "Hmm.. its about time we got such notifications" I said to myself as I opened the mail still thinking about the $200,000 package.

The requirements were as follows:-
1. The candidate must be a brilliant communicator.
2. The candidate should not only work towards extension of existing projects but also scout for new projects.
3. The candidate must be adept at market research, he/she should also analyze data using certain tools and then present the data.
4. The candidate should preferably be an MBA but a graduate with 3-5 years of experience will also do...

Wait a minute.... does that sound like the profiles of a client manager, business development manager, sales manager and business analyst rolled into one, working for half the pay of his/her western counterpart? Welcome to Singapore! A place like nothing on earth...

If you dont get shot down by the hi-fi requirements, the recruitment process will drive you nuts for sure. You apply to these 'world class' employers only to face divine silence. No acknowledgement, not even a goddamned automated reply! Only the "ONLY SHORTLISTED CANDIDATES WILL BE NOTIFIED" sign which really shows how much your talent is appreciated in "Sunny Singapore".

My wife summed it up pretty well when she said "You seem to have a natural talent at putting yourself in the wrong places".

Singapore and beauties...

I have always been a firm believer in the fact that beauty and brains do not go together and watching the Miss Singapore Universe contest on TV yesterday reinforced that belief. The 18 contestants effectively proved that these contests are neither a test of beauty nor a test of brains. Irrespective of what the judges had to say, I DID NOT THINK THAT EVEN ONE CONTESTANT WAS REMOTELY ATTRACTIVE! Thankfully, unlike the Miss Vasantham contestants, these girls at least had the courtesy to wax themselves! :-P

We watched the question and answer round for a while. My wife was wondering how one answer could determine the intelligence of the participant. I explained that the question was not meant to measure the girls' intelligence, it was instead a very good way of arranging the girls in decreasing levels of dumbness. The least dumb of them all would walk away with the title! :)

One participant said she didn't want to get a 'parking' ticket while 'walking fast' in a pedestrain subway under Orchard Road (duh!). The runner up actually thought beauty queens exercising with elderly people was one good way to encourage Singaporeans to contribute time instead of money towards social cause (DUH!) My lord! I rest my case!!

The judges took the cake with their final question to determine the winner - 'What do you think about the popular notion that foreign guys are more popular than local guys' - So much for intelligence. And the answers were out of this world -

1. "Though westerners have good bodies, Asian men have 'values' ". (I am still laughing...)
2. "All my previous boyfriends were locals. I really loved them". (All at the same time? Just curious...)
3. "Asian men are cute". (Please spare me)

And predictably, the one who talked about values won! (YAWN) The one who loved all her boyfriends was the runner up and according to the host, won a Digital Camera and $2,500 in cash! She made a fool of herself on national TV for that?

Anyone who says beauty contests measure intelligence?

The day has arrived!

I have been thinking of creating my own blog for quite some time now. Something or the other came up and I had to abandon my idea. I am happy that the day finally arrived. I actually went thru the hassle of another 'sign-up' and I can now see my thoughts floating on the www!