So, what was the message again?

Prime Minister Dr.Manmohan Singh addresses the nation from the Red Fort. He 'tells' our dear neighbour to stop messing with our country. He warns that the terror camps within our neighbour's territory should close down before peace can be given a chance. He goes on to say that our security forces will be modernized, intelligence agencies will go hi-tech (which incidentally means that our 'leaders' will get richer) so on and so forth.

What happens at the border? India and Pakistan exchange sweets! Sorry Dr.Singh, come again?

Such Joy

Our capital was declared a 'no-fly' zone. Trains arriving into the capital were asked to wait outside the city for five hours. Armed policemen and security personnel were deployed in unprecedented numbers all across the nation. People were checked even at shopping malls. The prime minister unfurled our national flag and addressed the nation standing behind a bullet-proof screen and a small army of commandos.

This is how you celebrate 'Independence Day' in this great country of mine! :) Do those fools even know the meaning of 'Independence'? Lord, do I love the irony!!

Service with a Smile

The "four million smiles" initiative flagged off recently is taking shape slowly. Cabbies are as irritating as ever, but they beam beautiful smiles and wish you as soon as you get into the cab and also at every available opportunity. They really take their manners seriously. Given below is a hypothetical 'before-after' style comparison of service:-

BEFORE:

Me (getting into cab): Hi, can you take me to BuonaVista please?

Cabbie: OK. which way you wanna go ah? PIE ah? AYE ah?

Me: Any route is fine. Just take me there. Thanks.

Cabbie: AYE shorter ah... Take the exit to North Buona Vista Road, can ah?

Me: OK OK Can Can.

Cabbie (Verifies the route on his map, honks at the car in front of him, changes lanes rapidly): You from India? You work here ah? How much they pay you? (Then goes on to tell me how much he makes per day, explains the entire value chain of the public transport industry also giving me strategies to save a few cents on every trip by choosing the cab companies smartly).

Me: Yeah, you can stop here. Thanks.

Cabbie: 9.50 ah.

I pay 9.50 and get out.


AFTER:

Me (getting into cab): Hi, can you take me to BuonaVista please?

Cabbie: (before I can sit down and finish my sentence) Good Morning, how are you? Where can I take you? Thank you, welcome. (SMILE) OK. which way you wanna go ah? PIE ah? AYE ah?

Me: Any route is fine. Just take me there. Thanks.

Cabbie: (BIGGER SMILE) AYE shorter ah... Take the exit to North Buona Vista Road, can ah? You save 20 cents (and then goes on to explain how it can be invested at 10% p.a to leave a small fortune at the end of 30 years)

Me: OK OK Can Can.

After a while.....

Me: Yeah, you can stop here. Thanks.

Cabbie: (stops a mile ahead of my destination) $11.70 ah.

Me: (!@#$) Why did you come all the way? I asked you to stop a mile behind!!!

Cabbie: (BIIIIG SMILE) Go the extra mile for service lah! :)

I pay 11.70 and trudge back....

Back with a Bang!

I don't know if the world had generally become a better place or whether I had simply lost interest in the happenings around me, I had stopped blogging since end-June. Ladies and Gentlemen, The Cynic's back! With a BANG!

What prompted me to start blogging again? I read about this amazing creation of God who tried to dismantle a rocket propelled grenade with guess what? - a SLEDGEHAMMER! That's right. Read more about it here. I think this candidate fits the bill for top honors at this year's Darwin Awards!

Since I am at it, let me also guide you to another amazing video that I came across on Amit Verma's India Uncut.



We sure are monkeys, pretty messed up monkeys! I agree Amit, totally.

God Bless India

The Health Ministry has adopted an innovative approach to solve India's health problems. It's damn simple to follow -

First, deny all facts and figures presented by any respectable world body. How dare they show this great country in poor light? The health minister comprehensiely rejected the UN Report on AIDS victims in India recently. Facts and research be damned!

Second, look for soft targets - Bollywood makes for an excellent punching bag. The health ministry recently decided that Bollywood films were the root cause for all the health problems of this nation. So, they decided to put a complete ban on promoting smoking on screen and probably intend to ban endorsements of soft drinks by film stars.

This list can be easily extended - ban stunts in movies especially ones involving vehicles as they encourage people to drive recklessly, ban party scenes which involve alcohol and fattening food for obvious reasons and so on. I can already visualize members of the censor board signing up at the employment office! If this goes on, the only movies that will go past the health ministry are the ones like Gulshan Kumar's "Chaar Dhaam" and a couple of documentaries on Amarnath Yatra and Haj.

I feel that the Finance Ministry would do well with this approach. First, reject the UN standard for 'poverty'. I mean $1.00 a day is a lot of money in India, you know? Redefine poverty levels so that the percentage of people below the poverty line is around 10%. Then, ban all depictions of poverty in Bollywood movies. There should be no poor people in any movie. After all, people watch these movies outside India and form impressions.

There... India is well on its way to being a 'super power'.