WWE says Hi to 'The Great Khali'

The year was 1998 and I was in my second year of Engineering. I was seriously into pumping iron like most of my classmates and it was then that I heard of a legend. There was a bodyduilding show in Bangalore and most of my friends at the gym wanted to go and check out the star - Dalip Singh from Punjab. Unfortunately, I couldn't make it to the show.

The guys who actually met this man were full of awe and respect for him (would you dare disrespect him?). They told me that they hadn't seen a person like him before. They talked about a man who was 7'2", weighed a 175 kilos and drank milk in litres. They said he was just playing with the barbells that others couldn't even budge.

Eight years rolled by and I had forgotten this man when he comes back with a bang! This time, the location is the U.S and he beat the hell out of Undertaker in his debut match! Dalip Singh has entered the arena of WWE in style. He is changing the American perception of 'mild', 'soft spoken' Indians. Ladies and Gentlemen - I present The Great Khali a.k.a Dalip Singh. His is a typical rags-to-riches story. From a road side daily wage worker to a policeman to a professional wrestler, Dalip Singh has come a log way. A lot of people have already told his story online, so I wont waste anymore online space. It's enough to say that you can search for 'Dalip Singh' on Wikipedia. :)

(Picture Courtesy: www.desktoparena.com)

He's put on 20 kilos (of muscle) in the last 8 years. He looks great and is all set to make his career in professional wrestling. He's also acted in a recent movie 'The Longest Yard' with Adam Sandler. I wish him all the best. I just feel sad about the Police Department's loss. India really needs policemen like him! :-P

Bangalore will now have a metro rail

Ya, right! As I read about the 'Bangalore Metro Rail' for the nth time, I wonder as to who they are trying to fool? And then it strikes me. The six million official residents (the actual number is probably double that figure) who live in that gas chamber in the hope of seeing their 'beloved garden city' emerge from its ashes like the mythical phoenix - what can you call them but fools?

A city thats registering 500-600 vehicles a day, has 100,000 auto rickshaws and has a million poison-spewing two wheelers, the highest for any city in the world; needs something more than a dozen flyovers and a total of 32 kms of glamorous metro rail. You can't apply a couple of band-aids on a tumor and expect it to miraculously heal! There are some hard decisions to be taken. And I am afraid Bangalore is not China or Singapore where tough rules can be implemented.


Looking at the confused political leadership, the insane population explosion and the miserable excuse that goes by the name 'infrastructure', one can only depend on Adam Smith's invisible hand for help. Market forces alone can bring some sanity into a Bangalorean's life. Some people think that Bangalore will continue to grow at this pace leading to even more infrastructural problems. A few think that Bangalore will just crumble and collapse completely one day. I would say neither of them seem probable.

As the city's infrastructure gives way slowly - first the roads, then water and sewerage, then power - it will lead to a slow and steady outflow of businesses, people and capital. I think Bangalore has pretty much gone beyond saturation at this point and the only way from here is downhill. The big companies stopped expansion in Bangalore and chose to set up offices in other parts of the country. New businesses are unwilling to set up shop in Bangalore owing to the ridiculous wages and real estate prices. As they set up offices elsewhere, people start following them as well.

The people migration will have different stages - I guess all the people who cannot adjust to the new image of this city have left already. This includes all the 'pensioners' and old world Bangaloreans who loved their gardens, morning walks and their 'idli-vada' and hot filter coffee at a local cafe. The second wave includes people who have the option of settling outside. That will be the first stage.

The second stage will consist of all those opportunistic freaks who came to Bangalore solely for education and employment. They start finding good jobs elsewhere and hence waste no time in bidding good bye to this city. As the so called 'IT and ITES folks' start moving out, the real estate prices come crashing down, huge apartments and houses no longer get built at this rate. Migrant labourers, artisans and craftsmen no longer find Bangalore attractive. The only people left in Bangalore will be those businesses who have already invested too much (Public Sector Companies, Infosys, Wipro and so on) and the people who dont actually have a choice but to stay.

Slowly, the city will come down to an equilibrium state from its current hyperactive state. But will this equilibrium state be the same old 'Namma BengaLuru?(our Bangalore)'. NEVER! It will just be a little less messy than today I guess, but never the same old clean, pleasant Bangalore.

As the city transforms, the 'leaders' will still be fighting for their chairs, mobs and gangs will still disrupt public life and believe me, Bangalore Metro will still be on paper! ;-) And the voters will continue to get fooled.

Folks, the Garden City is dead! The earlier we realize this fact and move on, the better for us.
Long live The Garbage City!

(Photo Courtesy: www.hindu.com and www.siliconverse.com )

Humor

There has been a lot of talk about humor lately. The Grad Hall Gang has been pretty vocal regarding their feelings towards 'Abrasive Humor'. Especially our Singing Sardar, who in his typical R21 (rated 21) language, called for an all out war.

I said in my comment that poking fun at someone is like jogging on a minefield. If you are crazy enough to do that just for kicks, go ahead and do that. But be aware of the fact that the next step might be your last.

Are you wondering as to why I am repeating my words? Well someone has been acting a little 'funny' on my blog, posting comments in someone else's name. I have deleted those comments for now and I have also enabled comment moderation - something I hated to do.

I am no saint and have to admit that I make fun of people too, but I make sure that the limits are understood and stay well within my limits. I dont mind getting my fair share of jabs from family and friends too as long as they stay within permissible limits. But saying something and assigning it to another person is not the least bit funny. I have decided to let it pass just this once and whoever this person is, let me assure him/her that the next time this happens, I wont pouring out my woes online..... I will be too busy making this person's life miserable! I am not very good at forgiving mistakes.

It's Official!

Fifteen days, a dozen postings and 260 views later, its finally official! I am THE 'eternal cynic' in Singapore. Courtesy Google. The search 'Eternal Cynic + Singapore' showed my blog in the hot seat.



However, I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this. I had posted a critical write up a few days earlier just to take out my frustrations and I deleted the posting the same day to avoid any misunderstanding. The damned googlebots had to choose the exact day and time to take a snapshot of my blog and cache it for the whole world to see! :(

I have been spending the last 12-13 hours trying to contact Google and getting them to delete this cache! Now do you see why I am not exactly a fan of hi-tech? They have this uncanny knack of complicating things and you never can say whether its a good thing or a bad thing! :-P

The FairPrice Weekend Shopping Challenge

So you were thinking there is nothing to do on a boring Saturday or Sunday in Sunny Singapore. You made numerous trips to Orchard, tried every pub in Clarque Quay and Boat Quay. You even went to Chinese Garden. 'So how'?

Well, take a closer look. There is this exciting gameshow playing every weekend pretty close to home no matter where you stay in this frying pan of a city. The venue is called 'FairPrice' and the game is called 'The weekend grocery shopping challenge'. This is no laughing matter, its a serious game out there! Each man to himself....

Let me explain. It is sort of an obstacle course, it consists of physical and mental challenges. The first challenge is to overcome your morbid fear of maddening crowds. They are kind enough to give you sufficient practice on this front as you navigate from the entrance of JP to the basement.

The second challenge - 'Grab a basket'. You have to throw yourself into this throbbing, violent mass of fellow competitors and get hold of a basket. Dont think that physical strength gives you an advantage here. I was left standing without a basket (all 110 kilos of me) while petite grandmas made their way into the store! Agility counts! You dont have to lose heart if you were beaten in the first step like me. They let you go out to the cash counter and get a basket but you lose precious time as your competitors successfully forge ahead.

You quickly pick up a packet of apples and oranges (no, comparing them is not the next challenge) and move on to the dairy section. Here, you meet the 'confused dairy buyer twins'. They are brothers who are arguing over which brand of milk to buy. They alternatively pick up and replace cartons of milk, all the while arguing about their choices. They block everyone else from picking up milk. You can push them aside or choose to nimbly put your hands through any available gap (stop imagining things) and pick up your cartons. Each choice comes with its own consequences from being arrested for assault to being labelled a pervert. It's part of the game. Time to move on.

Next, you see that the weighing counter is empty, others are busy with various other stuff and you go on to pick up vegetables all the while smiling at your own intelligence and others' stupidity. You pick up your vegetables and head towards the counter when you see that the line has suddenly grown a mile long! Did you waste too much time in that section or was this a deliberate ploy to fool the first time player? We will never know. You waste some more time and trudge along with a significantly heavy basket. That was the first surprise challenge- 'The Weighing Counter Mirage'.

The next level - 'Screwed Up Category Management'. If you think navigating thru the numerous shelves at fairPrice is a tough task by itself, try doing it while tugging along a 50 Kilo shopping basket. Remember, you get shoved, kicked and trampled by fellow competitors at the same time. The competition is a mad house at this stage. It is a test of grit, determination and sheer tolerance.

You zig-zag your way thru those shelves picking up the last few items and you are finally ready for the last obstacle - 'the Cash Counter'. NO WAIT! You get hit by the second surprise challenge - 'The inconsiderate mobile phone user'. He springs up from nowhere, he has exactly two small packages and his son sitting in a large shopping cart and he blocks the most crucial transit point thus bringing competitor traffic to a halt. At this point, all you want to do is just pulverize him into atoms and forge ahead. But again - this action comes with a heavy penalty - life in prison and a life time ban from shopping at FairPrice! I agree, both options seem like a blessing at this point in time though.

You tactfully overcome the surprise challenge and finally come to 'the Cash Counter'. This is a mental challenge. The lady at the counter continuously talks to her colleague in Chinese and asks you sudden questions in English to which you must respond appropriately. It really tests your concentration after the harrowing obstacle race. If you respond wrongly or fail to respond altogether, there are penalties - You get billed wrongly!

You come out of this challenge, drained of all energy and patience when they tell you vaguely that the prize is a 30% lesser final bill. Well, 30% of my $30 bill - Thats a grand prize of $9.00! Well, if Ms.Singapore Universe gets $2,500 you surely didn't expect more than this, did you?

You walk out of Jurong Point in a daze and slowly trudge towards home. The sun sets and another weekend in Sunny Singapore draws to a close.

New Look and New Links

I received some constructive feedback from one of the avid readers about the general look and feel of this blog. I also received some alerts about the possible consequences of my 'critical' writing. Thanks to both of you. Feedback is crucial for the existence and sustenance of myself and my blog! :)

A few new links have been added to the blogs of my fellow Nanyang MBAs:

Me,Myself and I - A day by day account of the life of AruneGanesh Meenakshisundaram. Professors' pet, P&G's future leader and simply 'aNNa' to all of us.
Rating: PG (for mentions of marriage, alliances)

Of Human Bondage - get inititiated into Tauism, a new philosophy thats taking Singapore (at least NTU) by storm. Thoughts and abstractions straight from 'Tau' himself - Gaurav Sharma.
Rating: 13, but may require a great deal of emotional and spiritual maturity to make sense.


Singapore Musing - I dont know if he meant 'Musing' in English or 'Musing(sniffing, smelling)' in Kannada. Thats DVism for you. He is a busy man now - with his attention focused on his internship, his future wife and Infosys stock prices. He writes occasionally, but lets give this poor guy a slack! Ladies and Gentlemen - Sandeep Devapur Vasant - DV to all of us.
Rating: PG (for mentions of marriage, alliances)

Elegantly Wasted - This is one optimistic Sardar. He even wastes elegantly while we think we are just 'plain wasted' here in Sunny Singapore. This is the 'personal space' of Shamsher Singh Mann - Sheru to all of us. He wants his writing to 'bloom unnoticed'. So guys, please... no comments!
Rating: 21 (for explicit language)

* Singapore standards followed for ratings. Based on viewership numbers, authors might be asked to 'moderate' postings! ;)

Hi-Tech Frustrations

Though I am an engineer myself and a software engineer to boot, I was never a fan of IT and related technologies and I guess I never will be. It's unnecesarily complex and at times extremely frustrating. It took me a whole two months to finally gather enough patience to set up my wireless router. A few valuable hours were spent reading the useless manual and a lot more time was spent fiddling with the settings before I finally got the damned thing working.

Are you asking me why I am telling you this? Well, hi-tech frustrations and low tech Singaporeans makes for a funny combination. The image below is a case in point.

I always thought I had weird neighbours. This proves my assumption. The first one suffers from OCD. He doesn't want to broadcast his network name even though it's secured! The second one takes the cake. I dont know who he is swearing at. Was he cursing the damned router? Or did he want to say that to himself every single day? Or was it directed at unsuspecting neighbours like me?

This day gets interesting as it progresses...

Why are we so obsessed with recognition?

I collected the 2006 resume book from the career resource centre a couple of days ago. As I browsed through the profiles of my fellow Nanyang MBAs, I made an interesting observation.

Almost every profile (mostly Indian and Chinese) seemed to have a mention of some award or recognition. In the rare cases where there were no 'awards', they seemed to take great pride in the fact that they either grew the market share by X% or increased some process efficiency by Y% or helped save their company a couple of million dollars.

I saw ONE profile out of seventy one that mentioned some activity done out of passion. Though it was only for two months... Chris (from St.Gallen) taught street children and worked for Jan Vikas Soceity and Pavement Club in Mumbai. Way to go Chris... More than the fact that you worked for this organization, I admire the fact that you chose to mention this as your previous work experience on a resume book that could 'potentially' be read by numerous employers. Being the natural cynic that I am, I also wonder whether he had any ulterior motive in doing this, but at this point in time, I am ready to give him a clean chit :)

Looking at the resume book, I am confident that most of us will make good managers and land good jobs, but I wonder what kind of leaders we will make. How many of us will actually 'inspire' people? For I believe that to be the ultimate evaluation for a leader. Isn't it high time we took our eyes off those silly meaningless 'performance' awards and focused on some real 'personality' development?

I dont know about others, but I want to work towards being a 'true leader' and not an 'efficient manager'.

Levitation

I was awestruck when I saw David Blaine's show for the first time. I mean.. here was a guy who performed on the streets, right in front of you. No stage set up, no need for tonnes of hi-tech gadgets... it was MAGIC pure and simple.



I was especially impressed by his levitation tricks. I dont know what took me so long to do this, but today I decided to google on levitation techniqiues. And I found this among loads of other web pages hawking stuff. According to this web page, Blaine uses what is known as the Balducci Technique. There are a couple of others called King's Technique, Elevator Technique etc.

That really takes away the mystical aura surrounding David Blaine and brings him back to the ranks of mere mortals like ourselves. Magic or no magic, there is one thing I appreciate in this guy, he definitely has nerves of steel.

So guys, now that I know the secret, it wont be long before you hear someone say "Hey look, up in the sky.... it's a bird.. no it's a plane... no that's just AK". :)

Happy floating......

Inside Man

The plan was hatched at 6.30 pm yesterday after a looooong Strategy Implementation class. A few quick decisions were made and we finally headed towards Jurong Point. We gulped down a coupla pizzas and rushed straight to the movie.

Once inside, you first go thru the 'initiation ritual'. You got to survive the half hour of trailers and outrageous ads (from butter to bust enhancement) and still maintain your sanity. I was reminded of the cliched hindi movie dialogue "Main tumhe itna tadpaoonga... tum maut ki bheekh maangoge ( I'll torture you so much, you will beg for death)".


The movie started off with "Chayya Chayya" and DV continued from there and gave the background score for the first half with his snoring. How he could sleep through such a fast paced movie is still beyond me. But then, this is DV, he could sleep through an actual hostage situation!

The movie really stays one step ahead of your thinking. Finally, a different story... a breath of fresh air. What I liked most about the movie was the 'zara hat ke (somewhat different)' story line and execution. There was no 'star' as such. Everyone put in a good performance and the movie kept me guessing till the end.

I suggest that you go watch this movie if you haven't 'oredi'.

Say Hi to Mr.Capsicum

My wife and I had a debate yesterday regarding creativity. I basically implied that everyone could become rich and famous by doing whatever they do creatively and by being the best in their chosen field. She retorted that it was just my MBA hogwash and ther were a lot of tasks that couldn't involve creativity and she somehow wasn't convinced of my argument.

Today, she asked me to help her out in the kitchen by cutting vegetables. She handed me the vegetables, cutting board, knife and said "You can be as creative as you want!".

Within five minutes, Mr.Capsicum was born... with carrot pieces for eyes and a pea for his nose, with a trademark smirk on his face. My wife enthusiastically pitched in with corn for his teeth.

Thus, the first part of my argument was won... creativity can be infused into any activity and you will be sure to arouse other people's interest too. Now I just have to wait till my talent gets noticed and I get rich. Then I will prove the second part of my argument... WISH ME LUCK :P

PS: We regret to inform you of the sad demise of Mr.Capsicum barely minutes after his birth. We ate him for lunch!

That's uniquely Japanese....

Found this on google videos. Try it out, it works for me!

MBA, Stress and Obesity

My doctor friend once told me that I probably suffer from Stress Related Obesity. I dunno if its true or if there is anything called 'Stress Related Obesity', but it magically seems to explain my eating binges and rapid weight gain.

I went through an elaborate weight reduction program for six months before I landed in Singapore which successfully brought down my weight from a shocking 110 kilos to a not-so-shocking 94 kilos. I was able to decrease my weight further during my first four months here in Singapore. You can see me enjoying one of the night-outs with my batchmates in July 05.

And then, the rigours of the course and daily irritations associated with life in Singapore started taking a toll on my mind and body. The increased levels of stress probably caused an increase in appetite (thats the only cause I can attribute to the fact that I was gulping down copious amounts of hazardous waste that they sell in the food courts here). Overeating made me lazy and I started finding reasons to miss a workout. And six months later.... I was back to a 110 kilos, walking around like an elephant with piles! I feel sick when I look at myself in the mirror. You can see me getting bored at one of the 'night-outs' in Feb 06. Nothing interests me anymore.

Its high time I got a grip over my life!!

Job Hunt in Singapore...

I read an article on rediff today which mentioned that an ISB graduate was offered a $233,000 package. At the same moment I received yet another job notification from our Career Resource Centre. This was for the post of a 'Management Consultant'. "Hmm.. its about time we got such notifications" I said to myself as I opened the mail still thinking about the $200,000 package.

The requirements were as follows:-
1. The candidate must be a brilliant communicator.
2. The candidate should not only work towards extension of existing projects but also scout for new projects.
3. The candidate must be adept at market research, he/she should also analyze data using certain tools and then present the data.
4. The candidate should preferably be an MBA but a graduate with 3-5 years of experience will also do...

Wait a minute.... does that sound like the profiles of a client manager, business development manager, sales manager and business analyst rolled into one, working for half the pay of his/her western counterpart? Welcome to Singapore! A place like nothing on earth...

If you dont get shot down by the hi-fi requirements, the recruitment process will drive you nuts for sure. You apply to these 'world class' employers only to face divine silence. No acknowledgement, not even a goddamned automated reply! Only the "ONLY SHORTLISTED CANDIDATES WILL BE NOTIFIED" sign which really shows how much your talent is appreciated in "Sunny Singapore".

My wife summed it up pretty well when she said "You seem to have a natural talent at putting yourself in the wrong places".

Singapore and beauties...

I have always been a firm believer in the fact that beauty and brains do not go together and watching the Miss Singapore Universe contest on TV yesterday reinforced that belief. The 18 contestants effectively proved that these contests are neither a test of beauty nor a test of brains. Irrespective of what the judges had to say, I DID NOT THINK THAT EVEN ONE CONTESTANT WAS REMOTELY ATTRACTIVE! Thankfully, unlike the Miss Vasantham contestants, these girls at least had the courtesy to wax themselves! :-P

We watched the question and answer round for a while. My wife was wondering how one answer could determine the intelligence of the participant. I explained that the question was not meant to measure the girls' intelligence, it was instead a very good way of arranging the girls in decreasing levels of dumbness. The least dumb of them all would walk away with the title! :)

One participant said she didn't want to get a 'parking' ticket while 'walking fast' in a pedestrain subway under Orchard Road (duh!). The runner up actually thought beauty queens exercising with elderly people was one good way to encourage Singaporeans to contribute time instead of money towards social cause (DUH!) My lord! I rest my case!!

The judges took the cake with their final question to determine the winner - 'What do you think about the popular notion that foreign guys are more popular than local guys' - So much for intelligence. And the answers were out of this world -

1. "Though westerners have good bodies, Asian men have 'values' ". (I am still laughing...)
2. "All my previous boyfriends were locals. I really loved them". (All at the same time? Just curious...)
3. "Asian men are cute". (Please spare me)

And predictably, the one who talked about values won! (YAWN) The one who loved all her boyfriends was the runner up and according to the host, won a Digital Camera and $2,500 in cash! She made a fool of herself on national TV for that?

Anyone who says beauty contests measure intelligence?

The day has arrived!

I have been thinking of creating my own blog for quite some time now. Something or the other came up and I had to abandon my idea. I am happy that the day finally arrived. I actually went thru the hassle of another 'sign-up' and I can now see my thoughts floating on the www!